Extreme GB Virtual Season Episode 1 - Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree
by J-R Virtual Seasons
Summary: December 1997: Kylie's father is in town for Christmas; so is an angry spirit out for revenge on all who condone the practice of cutting down, selling and buying trees for the festive season. Both are on a mission, one to ruin Christmas and one to make it perfect.
1. Chapter 1

In a snow-covered pine forest, a quartet of tree fellers was hard at work.

'TIMBER!' one shouted, as a large pine fell heavily to the ground and landed in a puff of snow. At the sound of impact, the young man's three companions turned to face him.

'Jeez, Todd,' said a large guy with a moustache. 'Could it be a little bigger? How we gonna get that on the back of the truck?'

'Hey, no problem,' said Todd. 'This is how New Yorkers like their Christmas trees. Trust me – I got a cousin who lives in Brooklyn.'

'The boss wants quantity, not quality,' said the guy with the moustache.

'Who says size equals quality?' said the only woman among them, grinning at Todd. 'Good things come in small packages. So lay off the macho stuff, Todd, okay?'

So saying, the young woman laid a hand on the foliage of a pine tree that was at least three times her own height, and looked cheekily at Todd through her eye protection. Then, suddenly, her face twisted into an expression of horror and she began to scream. The three men threw down their chainsaws and ran to her.

'Susie!' cried Todd.

'What's happening?' Susie wailed, as a wave of green energy began to pass through her body. The untalkative man and the moustachioed man began to back away from her. Todd stayed nearby and reached for her hand, but found himself holding a fistful of pine needles.

'Susie,' he whispered, staring at the small pine tree that now stood before him.

Their two colleagues meanwhile were running like mad, but the green energy shot out of Susie and became a whir of wind and pine needles. It flew past Todd's face, catching up at once with first one man and then the other. Within a moment they, too, were merely trees in the forest.

Susie's chainsaw was lying on the ground beside her, and the other two where they had been dropped. The gust of wind and foliage doubled back and whipped up a flurry of snow from the ground, burying the chainsaws and giving Todd a good dusting. Then it flew to him, stopping millimetres in front of his face. It now took on an almost human form, transparent and floating and bedecked in pine needles and cones.

'Where?' it said, in the voice of the wind roaring through the trees, blowing a gale in Todd's face and forcing him to close his eyes against it. 'Where are you taking them?'

'N-N-N-New York,' Todd just about managed to say.

The creature's form dissolved once more into wind and leaves; its green glow engulfed Todd, then left him, a sorry-looking pine with thin foliage and a drooping crown weighed down by snow.

* * *

An expensive-looking red car was driving through Manhattan. In it were Kylie, who was looking sulkily out of the passenger side window, and her father Steve, who was driving.

'I'm really looking forward to meeting your friends,' Steve was saying. 'I'm _so_ glad you've made some friends, honey.'

Kylie shrugged and said, 'We just work together.'

'Yes, well... that's better than nothing.'

'What do you mean nothing? You're forgetting Jack.'

Steve's fingers tightened on the wheel, and his eyes slid over to Kylie for a moment. 'I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Jack.'

' _Nobody_ believed me about Jack,' said Kylie. 'Even Grandma Rose didn't believe me about Jack.'

'It's so wonderful that you found him.'

'Right. Yay me.'

'Kylie, why are you in this mood?'

'Because.'

'Um,' said Steve. 'Is there anything special you'd like to do while I'm here? We could see a show, or go to the skating rink, or –'

'– traipse round some lame Christmas market or visit Santa's Village? I'm not seven, Dad. You don't have to throw Christmas in my face to make me not care about Mom being someplace else.'

'Right. Sorry. It's not like that even _worked_ when you were seven, huh?'

'I _just_ want to sit home and watch stupid movies and eat junk food and forget about college and ghosts for a few days,' said Kylie. 'Okay?'

'Okay, honey.'

'We're here.'

'I see it. Hard to miss, huh?'

Steve turned the wheel and pulled into the firehouse, which not only boasted the prominent no-ghost sign, but also a colourful display of Christmas lights. In the foyer, Slimer was flying around in a Santa hat, humming 'Dec the Halls' to himself and draping tinsel on everything. As Kylie climbed out of her father's car, Slimer caught sight of her and flew over for a hug.

'What the –?' said Steve, also getting out of the car, and ducking as Slimer zipped past him.

'It's Slimer,' said Kylie, frowning at Steve. 'I told you about him. Slimer, this is my dad.'

Slimer smiled at Steve, and said something that was just audible as, 'Hi, My Dad!'

'Real cute, Slimer,' said Kylie, brushing tinsel detritus off her shoulder and making her way further into the building. 'Come on, Dad. This is Janine.' She gestured at Janine's desk. 'Janine, this is my dad, Steve. He wanted to come and meet everybody.'

'Well, great.' Janine looked up from her work and smiled. 'Hi, Steve. It's nice to meet you.'

'Hi,' Steve said, as Kylie grabbed his wrist and started dragging him towards the stairs.

'Come on,' she said. 'Let's get this over with.'

* * *

A short time later, Steve had made himself comfortable on the couch and was chatting with Roland and Garrett, while Kylie hovered nearby and looked awkward.

'Well, Mr Griffin,' Roland was saying, 'I don't know about dangerous so much as... unpredictable.'

'Roland, _please_ call me Steve,' said Steve.

'Let's not mislead the man, Roland,' said Garrett. 'It _can_ get dangerous, Steve. I mean, not all the time, but some of the time. For instance, Steve, did Kylie ever tell you about the time we were handcuffed to a plane that was being ripped apart by a gremlin?'

' _What_?' said Steve, horror-stricken.

'It was all thanks to me that we got out of that one alive, Steve.'

Kylie rolled her eyes and, with a noise of exasperation, rounded the corner into the kitchen where she found Eduardo taking a soda out of the fridge.

'What are you skulking back here for?' asked Kylie.

'Who's skulking?' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, you don't want me to talk to your dad, do you?'

'I don't care if you talk to my dad or not.'

'You don't seem to like Roland and Garrett doing it.'

'Then what difference could _you_ possibly make? I didn't even want him to come here.'

'Why not?' Eduardo asked, in tones of great surprise.

'None of your business.'

'Fine.'

Eduardo stopped the conversation there, turning his back to Kylie to drink his soda. She tuned into her father's voice, which was saying stiffly in the next room, 'Oh, so _you're_ Professor Spengler.'

Kylie hurried back to the lounge. Unsurprisingly, Egon had arrived; Steve had stood up, and was giving him an appraising look.

'My dad's honoured to meet you, Egon,' said Kylie. 'I've told him all about you and your work.'

'She's so excited to be taking your classes,' Steve said flatly.

'Well,' said Egon, 'Kylie's a wonderful student. They all are.'

'Did the original Ghostbusters never save your butt back in the day, Steve?' asked Garrett.

'No,' said Steve.

'Not directly, perhaps,' said Kylie. Then, quietly and through gritted teeth, she added, 'Dad, come on, you're being a jerk.'

The atmosphere had become thick, but then suddenly all that was dissipated by a loud alarm and flashing red light. Eduardo appeared and headed for the pole; Roland followed him; Garrett made his way to the elevator. Kylie took a moment to give her father a dirty look before going after them.

* * *

The Ecto-1 pulled up outside a deserted Christmas tree lot.

'Great,' said Kylie, wrinkling her nose in disgust as she stepped out of the car. 'It's one of those pine and fir mortuaries.'

'You're not going to start all that tree-hugging stuff again, are you?' said Garrett.

'No,' said Kylie. 'I just don't like these places. I mean, look how many trees they have left! They're not going to sell them all today, are they? So they'll be destroyed. It's disgusting.'

'Right,' said Eduardo. 'Beth always a gets a real one, made out of tinsel.'

'Come on, Kylie, don't be such a Scrooge,' said Roland. 'Nothing says Christmas like the smell of a real Christmas tree filling the house.'

'The needles fill the house as well,' said Kylie. 'You find them in the shower and in your bed and in your clothes well into February.'

'Well,' said Roland, 'it sounds like your family always buys the wrong kind of tree. Look, that guy over there is waving at us.'

'Be polite, Kylie, won't you?' said Garrett.

'Shut up,' said Kylie, as they began to approach the guy who was waving.

'Thank goodness you're here,' he said. He was a small, nervous man wearing a Santa hat. 'My name is Sanderson. I've been hiding in the portable restroom.'

'Very wise, Mr Sanderson,' said Roland. 'Can you tell us what happened?'

'Well,' said Sanderson, 'I don't know. It's just that... people started turning into trees! My customers, my salespeople, my secretary... they just turned into trees! _Christmas_ trees,' he added, gesturing around him. 'Probably about half of these are my actual stock.'

'Check it out,' said Garrett, who had approached one of the trees with his PKE meter, and was examining the base of the trunk. 'This one's taken root in the asphalt.'

'I noticed that,' said Sanderson. 'That's how you can tell which trees are for sale.'

'The sawn-off ones, huh?' said Kylie. 'So you're in charge here and whatever is doing this missed you? I wonder how it would feel if it knew _that_.'

'It doesn't matter how it feels, Ky,' said Garrett. 'Let's just find it and kick its –'

'Look out!' Eduardo said suddenly, catching sight of a gust of visible wind and pine needles shooting towards them. Just in time, he grabbed Sanderson's arm and pulled him out of its path.

'That was it!' cried Sanderson, wobbling a little on his feet as he pointed at the entity, which was heading for the snow-topped mobile office building. 'That _had_ to be it!'

'We're on it,' said Garrett, and set off in pursuit, followed by Roland and Kylie.

'You'd better get back in the portable restroom, man,' Eduardo said, before sprinting off after his teammates.

* * *

Roland and Kylie climbed the three steps up to the office door and let themselves in. Eduardo hung back on the second step, and Garrett stayed on ground level, for practical reasons. He was the only one who couldn't see the pine tree that had taken root behind the desk. Roland looked at his PKE meter and followed its signal to the window, which was open a crack.

'Looks like it went out the window,' he said. 'It must have opened it itself. No way would anyone have the window open in this weather.' He glanced at the tree by the desk.

'What,' said Eduardo, 'it can't phase through the wall? Well, _this_ shouldn't be too hard.'

'Don't be an idiot, Eduardo,' said Kylie. 'It can open windows _and_ turn people into trees. Don't you think that makes it just a _little_ bit dangerous?'

'What's going on?' asked Garrett.

Eduardo turned to face him. 'It flew out the window.'

'So then let's get after it!'

'No need,' said Roland, stepping back from the window. 'It's coming after _us_!'

No sooner had he spoken than the gust of wind flew past his face, and then past Kylie's, blowing back her hair and forcing her to close her eyes against an onslaught of pine needles.

'Ugh,' she said, holding up a hand to shield her face. 'I _hate_ pine needles!'

' _What_?' The gust of wind spoke, stopped moving and took on its humanoid form, in which it glared at Kylie with glowing green eyes. 'Despicable human! What right have _you_ to hate _us_?'

Roland and Eduardo were both levelling their proton guns on the entity. Garrett was almost touching the bottom step, and sitting up in his chair to try and get a better look.

'I just mean,' said Kylie, looking at the pine cone- and needle-bedecked creature with interest, 'I think they should stay in the forest where they belong.'

The entity narrowed its eyes, and spoke again in its wind-like voice. 'Humans brought them here.'

'I know,' said Kylie.

'Where is he?' the entity demanded. 'Where is Sanderson?'

'I'm not telling you,' said Kylie.

'Then,' said the entity, 'you are as bad as the rest of them.'

With that, it took on its more abstract form and rushed at Kylie. She grabbed her proton pistol and fired, but the creature simply ducked out of the stream. It couldn't be held, but it did seem to be wounded – or at least winded – as it flew out of the window once again.

'Aw man!' said Eduardo. He looked at Roland. 'So why don't our blasters work against _this_ one?'

'I don't know,' said Roland.

'I might have an idea,' said Kylie, reaching behind her for the trap she was carrying. 'I don't suppose this will do much good either, but it's worth – Eduardo, look out!'

Garrett was forced to duck as the gust of wind flew over his head, showering him in tiny pine needles, and then rushed past the steps and through the door. Eduardo was blown off the steps and landed on his rear. The entity made a beeline for Kylie. It took on its humanoid form again, but this time it made itself bigger and filled the room with a powerful wind that sent papers flying everywhere, pinned Roland against the wall and knocked Kylie off her feet. She tried opening the trap, but the entity simply knocked it out of her hands with an even more powerful gust of wind.

'Hey!' Eduardo was back on his feet and in the doorway, aiming his gun at the creature. 'Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?'

So saying, he aimed a blast of proton fire at the entity and hit it somewhere around the small of the back. The entity roared; pine needles flew everywhere (including Kylie's hair), and the thing shrunk to a miniature tornado and flew at Eduardo. He screamed, turned and ran pell-mell towards Mr Sanderson's display of pines and firs. Garrett turned his chair around and hurried after them.

Roland approached Kylie and held out a hand to her. She took it and pulled herself to her feet.

'You okay?' Roland asked.

'Yeah,' said Kylie, who was clawing at her hair like a woman gone mad. 'Pine needles aside. Gah! That'll teach me to take out my frustrations on an angry dryad.'

'An angry what?'

'Well,' said Kylie, 'I could be wrong. But if it _is_ a dryad, that might explain why we can't trap it. It's a tree spirit, which means it's part of an actual tree.'

'So it's the old incomplete entity problem again?'

'Right. I do agree with it about the tree cull, but I guess we can't let it turn everybody into trees.' As she spoke, Kylie approached the tree by the desk and consulted her PKE meter.

'I guess that was Mr Sanderson's secretary,' said Roland.

'Makes sense,' said Kylie. Then she noticed a heavy binder on the desk, and started flicking through it. 'Roland, this could be useful. There's a stock inventory in here – it tells us where they sourced the trees. We could find _that_ dryad's tree, and... and...'

'What?' said Roland. 'Cut it down?'

'Huh. Seems harsh.'

'Well, this thing is being pretty harsh itself.'

'Maybe I'm wrong about it being a dryad,' said Kylie, not sounding at all convinced. She closed the binder, picked it up and thrust it against Roland's abdomen. 'Take this to the car, will you? I'm going to see how Eduardo and Garrett are doing.'

* * *

The entity quickly overtook Eduardo, got up another huge gust of wind and knocked him to the ground, where it buried him in a pile of trees cut down in their prime. Eduardo dug his way to the surface, then found that the wind was assaulting his face, along with a quantity of pine needles.

'Where is Sanderson?' roared the entity.

'Don't tell him, Eddie!' Garrett's voice called to him.

'I wasn't going to!' Eduardo shouted back irritably.

'Then you are – ARGH!'

'As bad as the rest of them – I know,' said Garrett, shooting a blast of proton fire at the creature. Once again, it managed to break free. Eduardo aimed a stream at it, and again it broke free.

'Now what?' asked Garrett, his face turned away from the powerful wind.

'I don't know!' Eduardo shouted over the noise. The entity, however, did not come in for another attack. It shrunk to a flurry of green, and flitted away into the sky.

'Look at that, Eddie,' said Garrett, as Eduardo began to shake little flecks of green from all over his body. 'You found a brand new girl repellent. I hear some of them really hate pine needles.'

'Yeah, well,' Eduardo said, as a green shower rained from his hair. 'I can see why.'

It was at this point that Kylie caught up with them, saying, 'Good, you're okay. Oh, Eduardo! Just make sure you keep those pine needles to yourself, okay? What happened to the entity?'

'We scared it off,' said Eduardo.

'Right,' said Garrett. 'So it can go to another tree lot. I hope Egon knows how to defeat this thing.'

'Who needs Egon?' said Kylie. 'I know exactly what to do. Come on,' and she sprinted for the car.

* * *

They went back to the firehouse. Roland took the large binder to Janine's desk, and Garrett followed him. Eduardo, as he got out of the car, was tearing off his gloves with his teeth and scratching at his arms and neck.

'Are you allergic?' asked Kylie.

'Only when I get buried in, like, six of the stupid things.'

'See, you don't get _that_ problem with a plastic one either! But anyway, this binder...'

'Don't you want to find out what your dad ended up doing to Egon?' Eduardo asked.

Kylie glared at him, but all the same she headed for the staircase instead of Janine's desk. Eduardo followed her, tucking his gloves under his right arm and picking at his left elbow pad.

* * *

Slimer was flying around the lounge area, still full of the joys of the season, this time wearing a mistletoe deely bopper. He flew at Kylie, kissed her messily before she had a chance to stop him and then tried his luck with Eduardo.

'I don't think so, _muchacho_ ,' Eduardo said, pushing him away with some force.

Slimer looked dejected for a moment. Then he cheered up in an instant, and phased through the floor to get to the people downstairs.

* * *

Egon and Steve were sitting together at the kitchen table. Steve was nursing a cup of coffee, and Egon was wiping green slime from his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Looks like they made up,' said Eduardo.

Kylie ignored him. She took a step towards Egon and Steve, demanding, 'What's going on?'

'Nothing's going on,' said Steve. 'Egon's just telling me about the classes you've taken with him.'

'Don't make Egon tell you things about me just because he's too polite to say no,' said Kylie. 'If I want you to know anything about my life, _I'll_ tell you.'

Steve sighed heavily, stood up and made his way to the lounge, passing Kylie and Eduardo as he went. Kylie followed him first with her eyes, and then with her whole body. Egon stood up as well, and emptied two half-full coffee mugs into the sink.

'What happened, Eduardo?' he asked.

'We couldn't trap it,' said Eduardo, 'but Kylie thinks she knows why. You better ask her about it.'

Egon went to the kitchen doorway and looked round the corner at Kylie, who was engaged in a heated discussion with her father.

'Maybe you can just tell me the basics,' said Egon.

Eduardo was also looking at Kylie and Steve, his expression impassive. To Egon, he said, 'Garrett and Roland are downstairs looking at the tree lot's stock inventory with Janine.'

'And that'll help?'

'That's what they tell me.'

'All right then,' said Egon. 'We'd better go and join them.'

* * *

'I'm sorry, honey,' said Steve. 'It's just that Egon and I didn't have anything else to talk about. It really wasn't a big deal – he just told me you're a really good student. And why. But I didn't really understand the why part. Ghosts and science combined – it just went right over my head.'

'That's beside the point,' said Kylie. 'You were checking up on me. Why were you being so suspicious before we left?'

'Well,' Steve said awkwardly, 'can you blame me if I worry about... that?'

'I can't believe you!' said Kylie, really fuming now. 'Don't you trust me, or are you just inventing problems for me so you have an excuse to interfere?'

'Neither,' said Steve. 'I was just wrong, that's all. You're obviously happy working here, honey, and that's great. And I like Egon. He seems like he's a good teacher and a good boss.'

'He doesn't need your approval,' said Kylie. 'And neither do I.'

'Maybe I should give you some space,' said Steve. 'I'll go do some last-minute shopping. If you want anything special for Christmas, honey, this is your last chance to tell me.'

'I _told_ you what I want for Christmas, and I told you what I _don't_ want! I don't want any stupid presents, or any stupid Christmas dinner, and I don't want a stupid "real" Christmas tree stinking out my apartment and getting in my clothes and my bed and Pagan's litter box! Why don't you ever _listen_? I _never_ liked your stupid daddy-daughter Christmases, even when I was a kid!'

'I'll, um, see you at the apartment,' said Steve. 'Or here. Wherever I find you first,' and he scuttled off towards the stairs.

'Not _the_ apartment!' Kylie called after him. ' _Mine_!'

Then, finding herself quite alone, she stood for a moment to gather her thoughts. She took a deep breath, shook another load of pine needles from her hair and finally went downstairs.

* * *

Egon, Janine, Roland, Garrett and Eduardo were all gathered around the Christmas tree stock inventory. They looked up when they heard Kylie's approach.

'You okay, Ky?' asked Roland.

'Ugh,' she said. 'I just totally blew up at my dad, and I don't think he even deserved it. Well, most of it. Some of it. I guess these pine needles have put me in a bad mood.'

'If we defeat the dryad,' said Roland, 'maybe they'll disappear.'

'Ever the optimist,' said Kylie. 'Is it definitely a dryad, Egon?'

'I believe so,' said Egon. 'Well done, Kylie. We're currently implementing your suggestion to contact all of these stockists to see if we can locate the dryad's tree.'

'Two down, three to go,' said Janine, glaring at the telephone. 'Somebody else can make the next call. I'm already sick of being laughed at by tree fellers. Why do they need five suppliers anyway?'

'Ah,' said Garrett, 'who can fathom the mysteries of the Christmas tree salesmen? Like, what do they do for the other eleven months of the year? It's not like they can even start in September, like with all the non-living holiday gimmicks.'

'Egon,' said Kylie, 'I've just had a horrible thought. Did all those trees we saw today have dryads in them, before they were cut down?'

'Unlikely,' said Egon. 'Dryads are a dying breed. You'll be looking for a very old tree when you go searching for the source of this one.'

'To West Virginia and back in time for Christmas, huh?' said Garrett.

'It might not be West Virginia,' said Egon. 'It might be Pennsylvania. You can get there and back before tomorrow morning.'

'What's the hurry?' said Kylie. 'I wouldn't mind spending Christmas in the middle of a pine forest.'

'Me either,' said Eduardo.

'Oh,' said Roland, 'you guys!'

'Count me in too,' said Garrett. 'Going home for the holidays is actually sort of annoying. I know they mean well, but my parents seem to have some kind of mental block about handicapability.'

'I'm sorry you're all such Scrooges,' said Roland, 'but I for one want to be home for Christmas, so I'll make the next call.'

So saying, he reached for the phone on Janine's desk, just as it began to ring. He picked it up, and answered with the usual greeting: 'Ghostbusters.' Then he listened for a moment, grabbed a pad of paper and wrote something down. 'All right, we'll be there as soon as we can.'

Roland hung up, and addressed his next remark to the room at large. 'Not that we'll be able to do much. It's the dryad at another tree lot.'

'Well,' said Garrett, 'we can scare it off again.'

'And by then you can probably tell us if you've found a lead on our tree,' said Kylie, looking at Egon and Janine. 'Maybe we can even lead the dryad out of town, if we can let it know what we're doing.'

'You mean make it follow us?' asked Eduardo. 'And try to _stop us_? Why would we wanna do that? I say we let it stay here and do what it wants. It'll never even know what hit it.'

Kylie frowned at him. 'I take it you're assuming the effects of what it does aren't permanent.'

Eduardo shrugged, and said, 'Aren't we all?'

'At least a few dozen people living out their lives as trees rooted to the streets of Manhattan,' said Garrett. 'Now there's a thought. What would Mayor McShane say?'

'Not much,' said Eduardo. 'He'd have them uprooted and destroyed.'

'You'll be sorry if you're right,' said Kylie, narrowing her eyes at Eduardo.

'I'm sure it'll be fine, Kylie,' said Roland, who by this time had crossed the room and had one leg in the Ecto-1. 'I told the guy we'd be there. Let's go and see what we can do.'

* * *

In a Christmas tree lot that had so far escaped the wrath of the dryad, Steve Griffin was appraising a five-foot fir tree and listening to a saleswoman talk about it.

'Trust me,' she said. 'Don't want pine needles, don't get a pine tree! This is the _perfect_ non-drop fir.'

'But it does drop _some_ needles, right?' said Steve, looking doubtfully at the tree.

'Absolutely not!'

'I don't know. I don't think my daughter's too crazy about real Christmas trees anyway, whether they drop needles or not. I just thought... I don't know _what_ I thought!'

'Is your daughter one of these green types?' asked the saleswoman.

'Well,' said Steve, 'I guess she is... to some extent.'

The woman beamed, and said, 'Good for her! Now, you might like to tell your daughter that real, sustainable Christmas trees – like ours – are much more environmentally friendly than the plastic variety. Not only do our suppliers replace all the trees they cut down, but plastic tees are almost always made from PVC, which is a petroleum derivative, not to mention the diesel fuel it takes to deliver them by ship from China...'

Steve stood there, tuning out the words, with a polite smile plastered to his face. A little way behind him, a brown and thinning tree was put into the chipping machine.


	2. Chapter 2

'Come on, you guys,' Roland said as he drove. 'There must be _something_ you like about Christmas!'

'The food,' said Garrett.

'Figures,' said Eduardo.

'How about you, Eduardo?' asked Roland.

For a moment, Eduardo didn't answer. Then he said, 'I guess I like that Kevin likes it.'

'Sure,' said Kylie. 'Fine if you have nieces and nephews, or younger siblings. Of course _you_ love Christmas, Roland, living in a house full of kids. It was different in my family. I was the only one.'

'Didn't you have cousins and stuff come round?' asked Garrett. 'We did.'

'No,' said Kylie. 'It was _all_ for me. Well, every other year, when I wasn't being dragged through an airport and competing for space with all the other people who were too stupid to stay home for the holidays. At least my dad's efforts were better than _that_. But,' she added, with a sigh, 'I grew out of paper chains and Christmas cookies a long time ago – and then last year, without even Grandma Rose there to keep me sane... well, that was me done.'

'Cheery in this car, isn't it?' said Garrett.

'Sorry,' said Kylie. 'Look, here's a tree lot – is this the one we want?'

'Yes,' said Roland, parking the car on the corner. 'Wow. It doesn't look like there's anyone left!'

'Why are you surprised?' said Eduardo. 'It's just gonna do it to everyone who's buying or selling Christmas trees until we cut it off at the source. It's probably hit another ten places by now.'

'We still need to find it,' said Kylie.

'Why?' asked Eduardo.

'Well,' said Kylie, turning in her seat to frown at him, 'if you just had a _little_ bit of forethought...'

She stopped speaking as the radio crackled, and Egon's voice said, 'This is Egon. We have some good news for you.'

Roland picked up the radio and said, 'Go ahead, Egon.'

'Four tree fellers went out tree felling two days ago and never returned. Their equipment and their vehicle were found on the site, along with several felled pine trees, and there are no clues as to the workers' disappearance.'

'Great,' said Roland. 'I mean, that's awful, but... that has to be it. So where are we going, Egon?'

'Galeton, Pennsylvania,' said Egon. 'It shouldn't be more than an eight-hour round trip, including the time it'll take you to cut down a tree. Mind you, there's also the question of finding it. The workers' vehicle and equipment are bound to have been moved, so you won't have that as a marker.'

'I thought of that, Egon,' said Kylie, leaning in close to Roland and the radio. 'What if we let the dryad know what we're planning? Then it would try to protect its tree and lead us right to it.'

'That's a classic tactic in situations like this,' said Egon. 'Certainly it's worth a try.'

Kylie leaned away from Roland and turned again to face Eduardo, saying, 'See?'

'Whatever,' Eduardo said.

'All right,' said Roland, replacing the radio. 'We need to pick up the PKE trail, try to beat this thing to its next tree lot and then... what?'

'Talk about cutting down its tree of origin in very loud voices,' said Garrett.

'Finding it shouldn't be too hard,' said Kylie, consulting her PKE meter. 'It doesn't know where the tree lots are – it's just attacking them as it finds them. And it's moving in an easterly direction. I guess that makes sense, since it came from Pennsylvania.'

'All right,' said Roland, as he stepped on the gas. 'East it is.'

* * *

It so happened that the dryad had ended up at the same tree lot as Steve. When the Ecto-1 arrived, the daylight was waning. People were running and screaming in the midst of a powerful wind, with somebody every now and then transforming into a pine tree. Steve's saleswoman was peeping out from behind the chipping machine and shouting, 'I'm telling you, all our Christmas trees are sustainable! SUSTAINABLE!'

Barely had she finished speaking before she was engulfed in a blizzard of pine needles, and had to hold onto the chipper for dear life. Then the wind died down; the dryad manifested just above her and, pointing its pine cone hand at the machine, demanded, 'What is _this_?'

The woman looked sheepish. 'Um...'

A heartbeat later, she was a hunched and drooping pine, but the dryad didn't leave it at that. With a great gust of wind, her roots were pulled from the ground and she was lifted into the air. The dryad grew in stature and, with arms spread and voice howling, began to direct her towards the chipper.

'NO!' Roland cried, as the four Ghostbusters appeared on the scene.

'I _know_ you don't want to do that!' said Kylie.

'Right,' Eduardo added. 'She's a tree now, isn't she? You like trees!'

The dryad glared down at them with glowing green eyes, still holding the saleswoman-tree in a small cyclone above the chipper. Then, suddenly, the tree dropped to the ground and took root once again. Each of the four Ghostbusters breathed an audible sigh of relief, then Kylie pressed on with addressing the slightly less urgent matters at hand.

'Can you please just stop this?' she said. 'We really don't want to hurt you.'

'Speak for yourself,' muttered Garrett.

'Hurt me?' said the dryad. 'How can _you_ hurt _me_?'

'The same way we can hurt any other tree,' said Kylie. 'And believe me, I would _never_ want to do that.'

'But it looks like we don't have a choice,' Garrett added.

'Then,' said the dryad, its eyes narrowing, 'you will die.'

Suddenly Kylie was snatched up in a gust of wind. Her teammates all made a grab for her, but before they could even get close they were blown to three different corners of the lot, each crashing into a separate display of supposedly drop-free firs (as the signs among them proudly attested). Eduardo and Roland ended up on their backsides, and Garrett fell out of his chair.

Kylie, meanwhile, was being blown towards the chipper. She screamed like fury, and tried to reach her proton pistol, but her arms would not move in the cyclone that held her. Roland, Garrett and Eduardo struggled desperately against the dryad's powerful wind, to no avail. Fortunately, they were not the only ones attempting to go to Kylie's aid. At the sound of her scream, Steve had been lured out of hiding.

'DON'T!' he yelled, with such force that the dryad bothered to stop what it was doing to look at him.

Kylie stared at him in disbelief, but only for a moment, as she had to shut her eyes against the wind.

'Please don't,' Steve said to the dryad, more quietly this time. 'She's never harmed a tree in her life.'

'This is because I annoyed you earlier, isn't it?' Kylie yelled above the sound of the wind. 'You're not on a noble crusade at all, are you? You're just vindictive!'

'Kylie, shut the heck up!' yelled Garrett, trying and failing to climb back into his chair, his voice barely audible through the wind.

'Your friends will follow,' said the dryad. 'Be grateful that you will be spared the ordeal of watching them die!'

'Put her down!' yelled Steve. 'I mean it!'

Roland, Garrett and Eduardo were beginning to find the strength to fight the wind, and managing to get to their feet or, in Garrett's case, into his chair. Kylie wasn't in the chipper yet, at least partly because of Steve's distraction. The dryad glared at him through glowing eyes, then sent a roar of gale force winds in his direction. Steve was knocked nearly off his feet, and a green glow enveloped him. Then, in a moment, he was a pine tree.

'NO!' screamed Kylie, and suddenly she found the strength to move her arms and grab her proton pistol. She shot a powerful, ceaseless stream towards the glowing eyes, which soon disappeared, and the wind began to die down.

Through what was now only a moderate gale, Roland, Garrett and Eduardo ran towards Kylie. It was Eduardo who managed to intercept her fall before she made it into the chipper after all, and they collapsed in a heap on the ground. Kylie immediately leapt off Eduardo's prostrate form and continued firing her proton stream into the wind, though the dryad no longer had any discernible form. Roland and Garrett were firing too, but they both shut off their streams when they realised that the wind had died down almost completely.

Kylie, however, did not stop. She fired at nothing, then shut off her stream and ran after the wind until she slammed into the back of the Ecto-1. After that, she did not keep on running. She holstered her gun, turned her back to the car and slumped to the ground.

* * *

'Okay,' Garrett said in a whisper to Roland and Eduardo, looking at Kylie as she sat motionless in the street with her head on her knees. 'So what do we do?'

'Maybe somebody should go talk to her,' said Roland.

'I'll do it,' said Eduardo.

Garrett looked at him doubtfully. 'Ed, maybe Roland's better at this kind of stuff.'

'I've got this,' Eduardo said, and went over to Kylie. He crouched to meet her eye line. 'It'll be going to its tree, Kylie. Your plan's working. We better get after it.'

Kylie raised her head and looked at him blankly. 'Is that really going to work?'

'Of course.'

'What if... what if it's different this time?'

'Hey,' said Eduardo. 'Don't you know better than to think like that?'

'Kids always think about losing their parents, don't they?' said Kylie, dropping her gaze from his. 'I don't think it was just me. It's the worst thing you can imagine. And the last thing I said to him...'

'The last thing you said don't matter. Anyway, who says it was the last thing? We got our plan, remember?'

'I think I should be prepared.'

'There ain't no such thing,' Eduardo said. 'Did you ever think about the part where you actually get through it? You can't imagine that until it's happening.'

'I guess not.' Kylie took a deep breath, got to her feet and shook the pine needles from her hair. Then she looked at Eduardo, and said gently, 'It happened to you, didn't it?'

Eduardo answered with, 'It is not happening to _you_.'

* * *

A short time later, everyone was back in the Ecto-1 and Roland was driving them all to Pennsylvania. The sky was dark, and the mood in the car was sombre.

'What was he even _doing_ there?' Kylie suddenly broke the silence.

'Buying a Christmas tree?' said Garrett.

'If he'd just listened to what I wanted,' said Kylie, 'he would never have gone there in the first place.'

'He did stop the thing from throwing you in that tree shredder,' said Eduardo.

'I guess he did,' Kylie said, and sighed heavily. Then she turned abruptly in her seat to face Eduardo, and said, ' _You_ gave it the idea!'

' _What_?' said Eduardo. 'I did not!'

'Yes you did,' said Kylie. 'You said it shouldn't put that woman in there now that she's a tree, so it decided to put _me_ in as I am!'

Eduardo opened his mouth to respond, but Egon's voice on the radio intercepted him.

'This has only just occurred to me,' it said. 'You're not professional tree fellers.'

'Sorry, Egon,' said Garrett, leaning forward and speaking over Roland's shoulder. 'Did we lead you to believe that we were?'

'Non-professionals cutting down trees is extremely dangerous,' said Egon.

'That's true,' said Roland. 'Our neighbours cut down their own tree once, and it completely flattened their shed.'

'So what?' said Garrett. 'There won't be any sheds in this forest, will there?'

'Unlikely,' said Egon, 'but there _will_ be the four of you, not to mention at least four others that you won't even recognise as people. It's all right, though – I know what to do. I'll call Mitch the supervisor again and get him to meet you. He'll even be able to take you to the spot where his workers disappeared, and once you've found the tree, _he'll_ cut it down.'

'Good plan, Egon,' said Roland. 'We should be there in a couple of hours.'

* * *

Mitch the supervisor was waiting when the Ecto-1 pulled in. He was standing ankle-deep in snow at the edge of the pine forest, a chainsaw dangling at his side.

'Thank you so much for helping us out,' said Roland, as he got out of the car.

'Yeah, well,' said Mitch, 'your boss said it would get my workers back. I don't know if I really believe that, but anything's worth a try. Y'know, I had to tell their families they'd disappeared. That was tough.'

'Well, Mitch,' said Garrett, 'you're about to give them the bestest Christmas ever.'

'We hope,' Kylie said quietly.

'Follow me,' said Mitch, and he led them into the forest by the light of an enormous battery-powered torch.

'I never knew,' Garrett said, as he struggled to wheel himself through the snow, 'how much I owed to those brave men and women who keep the streets of New York from being all over snow.'

They went a little way into the forest, then Mitch said, 'All right, this is pretty much where their equipment was found. I wish we had some tracks to be sure. Darn snow. So which tree is it?'

For a moment, no one said anything. Eduardo looked from Roland to Kylie, then said, 'Well?'

'I wish I knew!' said Roland, looking impotently at his PKE meter.

'All right,' said Garrett, 'so it's too scared to face us. No big deal. We'll just cut down every tree in the place until we get the right one.'

Kylie looked at him sharply. 'Garrett!'

'What's the problem?' Garrett asked. 'Mitch has a chainsaw!'

'That's a terrible idea!' said Roland. 'Four of these trees are –'

'Sure,' Eduardo said loudly, 'but we could start with the big ones. Egon said we were looking for an old one, right? All the victims stay people-sized, so let's just cut down every tree in the place that's over seven feet tall.'

'Eduardo's the only one who gets me, huh?' said Garrett. 'Come on, you guys!'

'Right,' Kylie said wearily. 'Worth a try, I suppose. Are you with us, Mitch?'

'I... don't know,' said Mitch.

'What's a stupid pine tree here and there?' Garrett said, speaking very loudly indeed. 'Nothing, that's what. So which is the biggest one in this neck of the woods? We could start with... this one!' He was practically shouting as he indicated the largest tree that was close to him.

'All right,' said Roland. 'Go for it, Mitch.'

Mitch made his way over to the tree and put his torch on the ground. Kylie, Roland, Garrett and Eduardo looked around uncertainly. Mitch started up his chainsaw. Kylie opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. The chainsaw edged closer to the tree. Roland stared at his silent PKE meter. The chainsaw made a graze, and a little sawdust.

'Mitch, don't!' yelled Kylie, making a run at him.

Mitch hastily turned off his chainsaw and frowned at her. 'Miss, don't ever run at somebody who's operating a chainsaw.'

'I know,' said Kylie. 'I'm sorry. It's just... we can't cut down innocent trees!'

Garrett glared at her. 'But Kylie, if it's _the only way_...'

'But it _can't_ be!' said Kylie. 'Don't look at me like that, Garrett. I know what you thought would happen, but it didn't, did it?'

'Right,' said Eduardo. 'It was gonna let Mitch cut that tree down because it's too chicken – whoa!'

He was cut off by a blast of wind in his face, and then a moment later, Mitch glowed green and transformed into a pine tree. His chainsaw fell into the snow beside him. Kylie, Roland and Eduardo stared at the Mitch-tree, open-mouthed. Garrett found some presence of mind and picked up the chainsaw. The PKE meters were jumping and beeping, but no one looked at them. It was clear where the dryad was; its great gust of needle-bearing wind was heading straight for Garrett, so that he was struggling to hold onto the chainsaw.

'Garrett, don't fight to keep it!' yelled Roland. 'You could cut yourself to pieces!'

'There's got to be another way to kill the tree!' Kylie said, shouting through the wind. 'We can find the right one now! It must be giving off a residual PKE signal now the dryad's only just come out!'

Roland acted upon this advice, and set about looking for the tree. Kylie looked anxiously at Garrett, who was out of his chair again, and hugging the chainsaw against his chest in the most dangerous manner imaginable. It was Eduardo who finally diverted the dryad's attention.

'Why don't we just nuke it?' he said.

When it heard this, the dryad whipped round and headed for nobody in particular. It went for a seemingly random spot, threw up the days' worth of snow on the ground and, at last, produced a chainsaw that was brown with rust and whose teeth were blunt. Not only this, but it managed to get the chainsaw going, with a series of sickening grinds and squeaks. It then carried the chainsaw, grating and screeching, towards Eduardo. He screamed and ran for his life.

'Eduardo!' Kylie yelled, running after him and the rusty chainsaw.

'How about that, Roland?' Garrett said breathlessly, as he hauled himself back into his chair. 'I kept a hold of Mitch's chainsaw!'

'And _I_ found the tree,' said Roland. 'Kylie was right about the PKE signal. I wonder why it doesn't show up at all when the dryad's firmly inside.'

'Who cares?' said Garrett, making his way towards Roland with the chainsaw on his lap. 'We can cut it down now.'

'Um.' Roland looked at the chainsaw, then at the tree. 'I guess.'

'Well,' said Garrett. 'Go ahead.'

'Why me?' Roland asked indignantly.

'Because you can run if something goes wrong.'

'Running won't do much good if I cut my arm off,' Roland said, but he picked up the chainsaw anyway. 'I wish Mitch was here.'

'He _is_ here,' said Garrett. 'What you really wish is that he wasn't a tree.'

'We both know what I mean, Garrett. All right, let's get this over with. You'd better get clear.'

* * *

The dryad chased Eduardo a fair distance into darkness and bright, penetrating snow. Then it stopped suddenly and turned back. It whipped past Kylie, who was following them, showering her with pine needles once again.

'We can't let it get back to them!' she shouted, shooting a stream of proton fire at the dryad.

'Well, _that_ won't make it stay!' Eduardo said, looking around him for inspiration. All he saw was trees, so he went on, 'My idea to nuke the tree was pretty good, wasn't it? Let's try it out on some of these guys and see what happens.'

'Is that really enough to make it stay?' Kylie asked quietly, as Eduardo unsheathed his proton gun.

'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'Do you got a better i– A-AH!'

The gust of wind came between them, knocking them thirty feet apart and onto the snowy ground. Kylie's proton pistol and ghost trap were whipped away from her before she knew it, and thrown into the snow some distance away. The dryad then went for Eduardo, still brandishing the rusty chainsaw. The wind around him grew stronger. He was pinned against the trunk of a tree, unable to move, and could only stare at the approaching chainsaw with a look of horror. Kylie's share of the wind, however, was dying down. She found herself able to climb to her feet and run after the dryad.

'Stop!' she cried. 'Don't you understand? If you kill us, then you're just as bad as the people who have been destroying your forest!'

The chainsaw stopped inches in front of Eduardo, its blunt teeth still whirring. The dryad took on its humanoid form and turned to face Kylie, but kept the chainsaw where it was. Eduardo stared at it, struggling against the wind, powerless to move.

'No,' the dryad said to Kylie. 'You cannot compare me to a human.'

'He never did anything to you or your kind!' said Kylie.

'Are you sure you don't want to get back to the others?' Eduardo asked, rather shrilly. 'You left them alone with your tree and their weapons!'

'They'll never find it,' said the dryad. 'And _you_ will never again see the light of day!'

The chainsaw came nearer. Eduardo shut his eyes to the impending terminal agony, and cried out in desperation, 'KYLIEEEEEEE!'

'NO!' she screamed, reaching out to him, feet apart though they were.

Then, suddenly, the dryad roared with the voice of a hurricane. The chainsaw died and dropped into the snow at Eduardo's feet. The wind vanished. All was quiet. For a moment, Kylie and Eduardo stood perfectly still. Then suddenly she ran to him, saying, 'Oh my goodness – are you okay?'

'Um,' said Eduardo, staring blankly at the chainsaw on the ground. 'Yeah. So that must mean they killed it, right?'

'Right,' said Kylie. 'They must have.'

'Okay, so... let's go.'

Eduardo stepped away from the tree, over the chainsaw and past Kylie. She didn't follow him. He stopped and turned to look at her.

'So,' she said, looking at the ground. 'Now we'll know if it worked.'

'Yeah,' said Eduardo.

'What if it didn't?'

'It'll be okay.'

There was a pause, and they looked at each other. Then Kylie nodded, squared her shoulders and said, 'All right, let's go.'

They began to retrace their steps, following the footprints they had left in the snow. As they walked, Eduardo asked, 'Do you think they nuked it like I said?'

* * *

Roland turned off the chainsaw, and the tree lurched. Five of the forest trees were instantly replaced by human beings.

'Oh my gosh!' said Garrett, propelling himself forward. He grabbed Susie's arm and pulled her onto his lap, just before she was crushed by the falling pine.

'Oh!' cried Roland, running to them and looking in anguish at Susie. 'I am so sorry! I know I shouldn't have done that because I'm not a professional, but –'

'What the heck is happening?' said Susie, leaping off Garrett's lap, then turning to stare at him. 'Who _are_ you?'

'Garrett Miller, Ghostbuster,' said Garrett. 'See, what happened is –'

'Susie!' someone cried, and all at once Susie forgot everything. With joy in her face she turned and threw herself into Todd's arms.

'Well,' said the one of their colleagues that was neither Mitch nor the moustachioed man. 'It's about time those two got it together!'

Eduardo and Kylie reappeared on the scene. Kylie looked first at the embracing couple, then at Mitch – whom of course she recognised – and seemed almost to vomit with relief.

'They're all right,' she whispered.

'Told you.'

'Shut up, Eduardo.'

* * *

The Ghostbusters were soon back in the Ecto-1, with Egon speaking to them again over the radio.

'Your father's here, Kylie,' he said. 'He's worried about you. I'll be glad to tell him you're all right.'

' _He's_ worried about _me_?' said Kylie. 'He's the one who got himself turned into a stupid Christmas tree! Thanks for taking him in, Egon. It's so late!'

'Well,' said Egon, 'no one seems to feel like sleeping.'

'Egon,' Kylie said, glancing at Eduardo's sleeping form in the rear view mirror. 'We didn't really need Mitch, did we? We could have just nuked it.'

'Oh,' said Egon. 'Well now... I suppose Mitch's chainsaw was the quicker and cleaner death.'

'True,' said Roland, looking uncomfortable. 'We'll see you in a few hours, Egon. Over and out.'

'Don't want to tell him that _you_ cut down the tree?' asked Garrett.

'I don't see any need for that,' said Roland. 'You know, it must be ages since midnight. Merry Christmas, you guys.'

Eduardo shifted in the back seat, yawned and said, 'It ain't Christmas until you've had a sleep.'

'So it's Christmas for you and not the rest of us?' said Garrett. 'You're not that special, Ed.'

It started to snow. Roland tutted with exasperation and turned on the windscreen wipers. Kylie looked through the glass of her window until it turned white, then opened it and watched the snowfall with a beatific look upon her face.

'Are you _crazy_?' Garrett said, hugging himself.

Eduardo shivered out of his light doze and said, 'Aw, _man_! What the...?'

Kylie said, 'Merry Christmas to you too, Roland.'

* * *

Egon and Janine were in the firehouse lobby, and Egon was wearing Slimer's mistletoe deely bopper. He was so distracted by it that he didn't notice Kylie walking past as he said, 'You know, Janine, mistletoe was originally thought by the Druids to possess powers of good luck. It doesn't seem to have very much to do with Christmas, and as a concept it's very unscientific.'

'Well,' said Janine, 'I happen to know that in Norse mythology, mistletoe represented love and friendship. You believe in love and friendship, don't you?'

'Yes,' said Egon. 'We psychologists study love and friendship all the time.'

'Well then,' said Janine, 'study _this_ ,' and she kissed him full on the mouth.

* * *

Steve was upstairs in the lounge, standing at the window and watching the snow. When Kylie arrived, he seemed to sense her without her making a sound, and turned towards her. She went to him, stood on tiptoe to reach his neck, threw her arms around it and said, 'Merry Christmas, Dad.'


End file.
